Archive for October 24th, 2011

Large Hadron Collider Smashes Atoms – Opens Portal To The Afterlife

October 24, 2011

In an amazing feat of scientific brilliance, members of the Large Hadron Collider have smashed so many atoms together they have opened a portal to the afterlife. Millions of undead were reported to be walking out of the collider and onto the streets of Geneva, Switzerland. When asked via satellite phone if the undead were […]

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New York City To Create Real Fashion Police – Will Arrest Anyone Wearing Last Year’s Prada

October 24, 2011

Mayor Bloomberg’s office released a statement today stating that it would begin to employ over 1,000 new officers of the law whose sworn duty will be to protect the public from fashion faux pas. “These brave men and women, who have been trained in all aspects of fashion, will be patrolling our streets to make […]

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Gaddfi’s Body Examined By Scientists – DNA Shows He Was Love Child of Sheep Farmer and Livestock!

October 24, 2011

In a stunning feat of investigative journalism, DNA samples of former dictator Muamma Gaddafi showed he was a half human half sheep crossbreed. “This explains a lot”, said long time oppressed citizen Adama Zarruq, “Whenever I walked by Gaddfi, he really smelled.” When questioned as to how such a scientific breakthrough was possible, Tomato Weekly […]

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World Debt Crisis Linked to Rich People Using Solid Gold Toilet Paper

October 24, 2011

Reports are now surfacing that the entire debt crisis around the world is being linked to a rich man’s club that’s stocked with solid gold toilet paper. Lead investigative journalist Miles Miles Milestone uncovered the richly decorated club while pursuing a separate story on whiskey choices for the rich. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said […]

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