President Barack Obama’s Nationality Uncovered – He’s Assyrian!

October 23, 2011

In one of the boldest examples of investigative journalism on the planet, the Tomato Weekly has uncovered President Obama’s actual birth place and time. President Obama was actually born in the ancient country of Assyria some 2500 years ago. This Semitic Akkadian kingdom, which was dissolved in 600BC, was a home to armies who impaled entire villages for something as simple as grain.

The White House and Democratic National Committee have not responded to continued requests for comment. It is clear that this issue is simply not something Democrats want to come out.

When told about this revelation, GOP spokesman, Chris ‘Chip’ Winklevie, had this to say, “We have always known President Barack Obama is a warmonger, having started at least 3 wars, but to be a party to impaling innocent villagers is appalling.”

Just how President Obama has survived, forged pictures of himself as a child, faked his own birth and citizenship is just not known.

The proof of President Obama’s Assyrian roots lies in a papyrus birth certificate uncovered in the Museum of Natural History which clearly shows a baby, whose name starts with a B, with inscriptions describing him as a great orator.

“Admittedly,” said archeologist Guy Ready, “it could also be saying this baby was a great ordeal, obstacle or orange, we’re not really sure.”

Well, we at the Tomato Weekly are sure. We have consulted psychic, and republican, Melissa Franklin Ross, who took one look at the ancient document and confirmed its authenticity, “Yep, it is old”. Good enough for us!

The ball is in your court President Obama, as I think the facts clearly show.


October 2011
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