Archive for December, 2012

Senator Mitch McConnell Claims He Was Possessed By Barney Frank!

December 7, 2012

In a stunning revelation of paranormal implications, Senator Mitch McConnell claims that he was temporarily possessed by former Congressman Barney Frank yesterday. Senator McConnell states that he never actually proposed any such legislation on the debt ceiling and that he woke up in the middle of the Senate floor with a bill he didn’t write. […]

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United States Finds Bigfoot Nest – China Finds Mermaid Pond

December 3, 2012

In a stunning revelation of fairy tale proportions, many worldwide governments are making announcements about discoveries surrounding previously thought to be mythical creatures. Following North Korea’s announcement of the Unicorn Cave, the United States released a press release from the Department of Unusual Incidents, DUI, stating that a Bigfoot next had been found in the North of South Carolina. The Bigfeet […]

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Hundreds of Plastic Male Genitalia Rain Down on the Bible Belt

December 3, 2012

In an accident of perverted proportions, a worldwide shipping company, who begged and bribed us not to be named, released their entire cargo over the midwestern United States today. The accident occurred when the chief officer on board, after having eaten over a hundred mushrooms at the airport salad bar, thought the airplane was sinking […]

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Shahs of Sunset Launch Jihad On Old Jewish Men and Early Bird Dinner

December 1, 2012

In a move that could explode into an international issue of being the most meaningless news in the world, the Shah’s of Sunset start their second season by going all Jihad on some old people having early dinner. The scene, rumored to have not actually unfolded, at an early bird dinner special joint on off […]

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Senator John McCain on Susan Rice – “She writes books on Vampires!”

December 1, 2012

John McCain appeared today on the weekly, biweekly, every-other-weekly, Tomato Politics and had this to say, “Recently, it’s come to my attention, see, I was walking in a book store and saw these books, about vampires. About sex. And you know who wrote them? A woman named Ms. Rice!” When probed whether or not it […]

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Famed Spelunking Expert Clive Cliverson Dives off Fiscal Cliff – Says There Are Cookies!

December 1, 2012

Famed cavern explorer Clive Cliverson today volunteered to jump off the fiscal cliff to see what was there. He was warned by many members of the Republican and Democratic parties that jumping off could lead to his doom. Undeterred, Clive leapt with a bottle of wine, walkie talking and a roll of quarters. When asked […]

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