Supreme Court Rules: Gay People Are Actually People!

June 26, 2013

The Supreme Court of the United States ruled today that Gay People are in fact real people. The 5-4 ruling came today after both sides of the issue have been weighing in for months. Anti-gay people are people advocate, Rush Limbaugh had this to say, “Gay people are simply not people. They don’t choose to use their body parts in a natural way and therefore must not be people at all!” Mr. Limbaugh declined to comment on whether or not constant drug use was a natural act.

Gay rights advocate Bill Billy Smith had this to say, “I think this is fantastic. Finally, we in the LBGT community can be recognized along side other humans as also being human.”

The ruling by the Supreme Court has far reaching implications for American society. Most notably, gay rights now include the right to speak and be heard, to breath air, eat in restaurants and even the most powerful of all rights, the right to marriage. Religious groups around the country immediately stated this was an affront to their religion and their god. Four time divorcee and part time parent, Mr. James American Jones had this to say, “How dare someone defile the right to marriage. I have been married and divorced four times and this is just a travesty. What would god say?”

Creator of the universe and omnipotent being God had this to say, “I really wish you people would just love each other and stop worrying what everyone else is doing. Despite what others have said in the past, I am THE REAL decider. And I say gay rights and marriage is a good thing.”

We at the Tomato would like to welcome our LGBT brothers and sisters to the human race and to now having the FULL rights of marriage.

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