New Harvard Study Proves Eating Tomatoes is Natural Aphrodisiac

September 14, 2013

In a stunning announcement, first year students at Harvard have found that eating large quantities of tomatoes can be a natural aphrodisiac.

Freshman Tommy Big Johnson Johnson had this to say, “Well, we were all sitting around, watching porn on the internet, and then someone brought in some tomatoes, and like, we were all really horny. It was so weird.”

Asked if watching porn had anything to do with it, Tommy said, “Nah, we always watch porn.”

Fellow classmate Jill Jillian had this to say, “They are idiots. Why in god’s name are you doing a story on them?”

Harvard president, when it was released that the Tomato was doing a story, had this to say, “This is not a Harvard study and you are not a newspaper. Go away.”

Quite the contrary Mr. Harvard president, we are indeed a newspaper. Enjoy your tomatoes everyone!

September 2013
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