Tokyo Man Arrested For Throwing Lizards Into Fukushima Water

September 5, 2013

In a strange twist of 1950’s movie making memorabilia, a Tokyo man was arrested this week for throwing lizards into the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant’s contaminated water. Offices on the scene stated the man, who was unnamed, was attempting to create a Godzilla like creature so it could then breath fire on the damaged plant and end the catastrophe.

Nuclear Physicist John Co-Co Stevens had this to say, “Well, if Godzilla was real, and showed up, and breathed fire, I really have no idea what would happened. But that has as much of a chance of happening as Q from Star Trek snapping his fingers and making it go away.”

When asked who this mysterious Q person was Mr. Stevens began talking about a bizarre futurist society where everyone is at peace and snapping fingers makes things happen. It was later determined by our new reporters that Mr. Stevens was simply a nerd.

Whether or a giant fire breathing lizard would work is not the point, however. In a stunning move of frustration and inability to protect it’s own citizenry, the Government of Japan has authorized throwing a variety of animals into the water in the hopes of either stopping the disaster or creating a large monster fight to distract everyone from the power plant.

Either way, we wish Japan all the best.

September 2013
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