Entertainment

Billy Bob Thornton Announces Open Casting Call for New Musical

October 26, 2013

Crossfire Sound and Pictures, the production company co-owned by Billy Bob Thornton and Dwight Yoakam, will hold an open casting call next month for various roles in the upcoming theatrical production Sling Blade: The Musical. Arnold Robinson, Thornton’s publicist, announced in a press release today that the production is slated to debut Off-Broadway next summer […]

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Jungle Gold Producer Proves Show Is Real – Discovery Channel Fires Crew

September 7, 2013

In a shocking admission sure to set Discovery Channel on fire, recent sub-producer Miles McMiles Mileston came forward and declared that the show that everyone believed was fake, is actually real. “I went into the execs offices with tapes proving that everything we were doing was 100% real. And they fired me,” Miles was quoted […]

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Discovery Channel Launches New Show: Naked Zombie Ice Road Trucking Housewives

June 25, 2013

Discovery channel announced today they would be launching a new show devoted to naked zombies, who drive trucks on ice roads, and are former Real Housewives stars from Orange County, New Jersey and Atlanta. “We’re really trying to hit our viewers on all levels. Zombies, nudeness, ice roads and housewives. It’s a trifecta of ratings […]

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Miss Utah Claims “I Pooped My Brains Out” as Reason For Moronic Answer

June 17, 2013

Miss Utah is in the news this week after giving an answer to a question over the weekend in regards to why women make less than men. Her response, even now burning holes in the brains of children everywhere, was more a blind rambling of words that sounded nice but never answered the question. The […]

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Young George Clooney Threatens Lawsuit – I’m Not Garbage!

January 15, 2013

In a stunning turn of time travel trickery, young George Clooney has sent a letter to the Golden Globes complaining about being called ‘garbage’. “Look, i’m a reasonable guy, I just feel i’m not garbage. Old George Clooney is, well, old!” The Tomato attempted to contact middle age George Clooney but were unable. We did, […]

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Lindsay Lohan Arrested While Drunk Driving – Drinks Own Pee in Prison

January 13, 2013

Linsday Lohan was arrested this afternoon on her way to the Golden Globe awards for drinking and driving. When placed in her cell at the county lockup she immediately insisted she needed another drink to celebrate the evening. When officers in the jail refused her requests for a beer she began attempting to drink her own urine. […]

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Shahs of Sunset Launch Jihad On Old Jewish Men and Early Bird Dinner

December 1, 2012

In a move that could explode into an international issue of being the most meaningless news in the world, the Shah’s of Sunset start their second season by going all Jihad on some old people having early dinner. The scene, rumored to have not actually unfolded, at an early bird dinner special joint on off […]

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Adam Sandler To Play Angry Jewish Actor Who Makes Bad Movies

October 25, 2011

Adam Sandler reportedly in his next movie will play an angry Jewish actor who makes one bad movie after another. The plot is centered around a has been comic who once came up with a pretty snazzy fake Hanukkah song but now can’t seem to get a decent movie together. The types of roles the character, named […]

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Tom Cruise abandons Scientology for Vedism

October 23, 2011

Tom Cruise, well know celebrity and movie star, has announced to his most trusted inner circles that he is abandoning Scientology for Vedism. The Tomato Weekly has learned about this stunning revelation through the intrepid reporting of entertainment investigative news correspondent Hillary Hills Winklestein. Vedism, an ancient Indian religion, that is no long actively worshiped […]

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